Memoirs of a Count
by Cat O'Hara Butler
Summary: This is a story written by me and two of my friends based on our POTO  kinda Role Play. As you can see by the name, it's really more about Raoul than Christine and Erik. The summery isn't much, but the story really is pretty good.  Please give it a try.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own plot.

For a moment, I thought Christine was going to choose me as she looked into my eyes. But then she looked back to Erik. As she stared at him, I studied her face. She had a different look in her eyes; it was much more than pity. Even as I was stuck to the iron gate, straining for my life, I felt jealousy. She had a look to her as if she was trying to convince herself that she could live happily with him in his world of sadistic madness and torture. How could she for one moment consider that idea even in as much pressure as she was in? The wicked monster made my poor Christine choose to live in hell or watch her fiancé lose his life right in front of her eyes. The only time she felt any sort of happiness with him was when he sang to her and his sick melodies twisted around her like thorns. His words oozed poisonous venom into her soul until she became a completely different girl. Was my love, my Christine, lost for good? The pain from the ropes digging into my wrists and neck was nothing compared to the hellish agony I felt while watching Christine walk closer to him. It seemed like in a trance like state, how it always was when they were together. He was like a magnet and she was going to be attached to him no matter if she wanted it or not. As she opened her mouth and what followed after, I felt as if it my insides were going to come up my throat and spill out of me.  
_Pitiful creature of darkness,__  
__what kind of life have you known?__  
__God give me courage to show you,__  
__you are not alone_.  
She kissed him then like she had never kissed me before. She wanted him to feel every bit of emotion inside of her. It was filled with pure passion, the passion of understanding and acceptance. In that instant, I thought my life was going to be over for sure. He was going to turn his eyes at me while he kissed her, grin wickedly and pull the rope which would then tighten the noose around my neck. I would be out of the way for good and then he would take her away, no more obstacles in their path. But instead of following my vision, he stepped away from her and started crying harder than Christine has been just moments before.  
_Take her, forget me, forget all of this.__  
__Leave me alone, forget all you've seen.__  
__Go now, don't let them find you,__  
__take the boat, swear to me, never to tell, __  
__the secret you know of the Angel in Hell.__  
__Go now, go now and leave me!_  
At that moment, all I could feel was shock coursing through my body. Was this really happening? There was no way he was capable of crying, capable of feeling anything but lust for the flesh and need to kill. In just one instant, Christine's look of shock that had matched mine turned to one of determination. She pushed through the water and was at my side in an instant, working at the ropes with much speed. Once I was free, I didn't stop to rub the pain out of my wrists, legs or neck. I pulled Christine over to the Phantom's boat. Before I could get her to step in, she protested to me, "Wait, just a moment Raoul. There is something I must do." With that, she walked back in the direction that he escaped in moments before. Of course I followed her but didn't make my presence known. I saw that monster on his knees in the sorriest that imaginable. He looked up at her like a lost child.  
_Masquerade, paper faces on parade,__  
__Masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you.__  
__Christine, I love you_.  
As I heard that last line come out of his mouth, I wanted to burst out of my hiding place and strangle him to stop anything else from occurring. But what followed, tore me apart past the limit I thought my body could handle.  
_Say you'll share with me one love one lifetime,__  
__Say the word and I will follow you.__  
__Share each day with me each night each morning.__  
__Promise me that all you say is true.__  
__Erik, that's all I ask of you.__  
_Before I could scream out in anger and pain, I heard a mob right around the corner screaming for blood thirsty revenge. I knew I just had to get Christine out of here because they might attack her in their confused state of madness. I quickly took her arm. "Christine, hurry my dear, we must go before they get here. It's only a matter of time now until they burst in on us. And when that happens we may be in danger of being hurt or even worse." She just turned to me calmly and let the words flow from her mouth:  
_Think of me, think of me fondly, __  
__when we've said goodbye.__  
__Remember me, once in a while, __  
__please promise me you're try.__  
__Flowers fade, the fruits of summer fade,__  
__They have their seasons so do we.__  
__But please promise me that sometimes,__  
__you will think of me._  
"Christine, what are you saying? Surely you're not staying here with that monster are you?" I asked, trying not to break down in tears.  
"Yes Raoul, I am, and he's not a monster. I love him, I'm not leaving him here to face that mob alone, or the rest of his life alone for that matter. He needs me and I need him. We are a part of each other now. As if we were connected by a string. We were meant to be together from the beginning of time." she replied. "Go, get out of here before the mob comes. We'll be fine here. We'll have each other."  
"I think you're making the biggest mistake of your life Christine. Are you sure you don't want to come back with me? I can give you anything your heart desires. You will have a title." I tried to bribe her to come with him. But clearly it wasn't going to work.  
"Do you think I'm so cheap that I would come with you just because you have money and a title? I overestimated you, I thought you were a true gentleman. I guess I was wrong."  
"No, I think I overestimated you Christine. I thought you would see this monster for who he is, but evidentially I was wrong. You still think he's your father or your "Angel of Music", or some other such nonsense. When you come to your senses and see the killer behind the mask, I'll be at my house." With that I got in the boat and pushed off; leaving her and Erik standing together, watching for the impending arrival of the mob. That was fine with me! Let the mob go after them both!  
Track down this murderer,  
He must be found.  
Track down this murderer,  
He must be found.  
I didn't wait to hear what happened next. The rest of the night was passed in a drunken state trying to get rid of the worst pain I had ever felt at that young stage of my life.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own plot.

Chapter 2

Fight

For several nights after, I traveled to different taverns on the far side of the city. There was no need to disguise myself for the type of people in these locations would not recognize who I was. One night, as I sat at the car trying to enjoy my quickening state into drunkenness, I heard a young woman's shrill squeaks of laughter following immediately by a deep, animalistic moan. This went on a few more times, the sound ringing above all others. I couldn't stand it. I quickly lost my temper and swiveled around in my chair to reprimand the girl. When I saw the girl splayed out in a man's lap with his hand up her layered skirts, my brewing anger turned quickly into shock. I was staring at the face of my cousin, Elliot, who I hadn't seen since we were adolescents. He recognized me immediately and slowly made a half grin in my direction. With a thrust of his arm, he pushed the girl face down on the seat where she passed out having surpassed her limit in drinking.  
Elliot didn't even give a second look to the girl before strolling over to me. He put an arm around my shoulder and I watched it curl slightly around my neck like a snake. "Well good night to you, cousin. What brings you here? You would find it better if you were back at the family home drinking brandy by the fire. But none the less, I knew you were sitting here the whole time. That little show was for you. Did you enjoy it? He chuckled darkly in my ear and the stench of alcohol coming from him was more than I could bare.  
It was then that I remembered the last time were together.

I was twelve years old the last time I had seen Elliot. He had been brought over to my house to spend time with me. My parents thought that would be good for him knowing the lack of attention he received from his own family. Neither of us were happy about seeing each other. Even then we hated one another. In fact, it started when we were just little boys and he would taunt me and lead me into dangerous situations. It frightened me that I had someone filled with such malice in my own family. I had so much hatred for him in my heart that during some nights, I would cry alone out of fear that my feelings would cause me to turn just as wicked as he was. I knew it was a sin to harbor such emotions inside of me and I hated to think that I was displeasing God himself. Even though Elliot despised me so, he never was afraid to confront me when we together. It pleased him to torment me and put me down.  
He never had a problem knowing what to say because he was confident in himself. He had to be because he only had himself to rely on in life. On that particular day, he marched right up to me as soon as we were alone. He scowled at me and got right up in my face. "Your father is a cheating liar. He cares nothing for you and your family. He has no love for your mother and thinks she is a bore. Your baby brother is not your mother's. He is a mistake from when your father slept with some whore he met out on the streets. She didn't want him for what use would she have with a child? So, she dropped him off here with his father. Your mother is a stupid wench. She won't allow herself to think of her perfect husband betraying her in such a way." With that he rolled his eyes and laughed darkly. I was afraid of him and what he had just said. Even if it was true, I would never allow him to talk about my parents in such a way. They were good people and every time my father looked at my mother even when she wasn't looking, I could see the love in his eyes. Elliot did not like that this news hadn't upset me to the point of tears so he added," You see, your father doesn't deserve to be count. He should be stripped of the title. He was only given it because his parents though their oldest son, my father, wasn't responsible enough for such a position. But I shall be and that title is rightfully mine." I would not let him affect me. I learned that the best way is to fight confidence with confidence. "Now that the title has been passed down to my father, it only applies to his family, Elliot. So it shall go to my brother and then one day if God wills it, to me." He became so angry at that, that he took out a pistol from his pocket and shot a noisy bird who sat on the wall next to us. The bird fell down dead immediately and as I peered close at it, I could see my reflection in the forming puddle of blood. Without saying another word, he walked away.  
I was snapped back from my vision of the past when Elliot's grip on my shoulders tightened and he barked at me," You shall answer my question!" Just as I was about to open my mouth, he slammed his fist right into my jaw sending me backwards off my chair. He didn't relent but jumped off his stool and began hitting me in the face harder each time. I actually saw blood fly up into the air. I realized nobody was going to help me and all I could wish for was to black out to block the pain. Moments passed and I could no longer feel anything but darkness. My hearing became clouded, Elliot's voice was a mumble in my ear. But just as quickly as the beating had come, the pain had stopped. It was as if I was in some state of shock that protected me from all the feeling. I was picked up by several men and thrown into a coach. Time passed and eventually I was tossed out into the snow right in front of the opera house. All I felt was a stinging sensation and the sounds of muffled laughter as the coach drove away.  
As I lay there, not a single though ran through my mind. It was as if I had been frozen but time still passed on. I don't know how much had passed before I heard a small voice instructing a man to help lift me off the ground and carry me inside. As I was lifted, I blacked out. I woke up warm under several layers of bed sheets and blankets. Suddenly, there was a warm wet cloth touching my face, it stung the open wounds on my cheeks but at the same time felt soothing. One of my eyes I could feel was swollen shut but the other one I could slowly open without it hurting too much. I noticed immediately that the person taking care of me was a girl I knew well, Meg Giry. She noticed I was waking the moment my eyes began to flutter and she spoke to me immediately. "You are in my mother's room. You are going to stay here and rest and I will be right by your side. I am leaving tomorrow on a trip but I won't depart until I know you are safe and are going to be alright." Her kind words and the way her hand was warm in mine made me feel comforted like I was a small boy back in my mother's care. Immediately however, exhaustion took over me and I again blacked out.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own plot.

Chapter 3

The morning air blew in my face as I stood with Meg and Madame Giry's. Slowly I took a deep breath and sighed.

"Raoul?" a small voice said "Are you okay?" I looked at Meg and sighed again.

"I tried to save her… but… That monster has her under his spell!" I exclaimed as Meg put a hand on my shoulder

"I'm sorry..." she paused "I guess she's not the right one for you... I'm sure you'll find love again." I looked at Meg's hand and moved away, not wanting anyone's touch, no matter how good they had been to me.

"Thank you for your help last night Meg, but I should go; have a nice trip to wherever you're going." I said as I started walking away.

"I will write you if you like…." I heard Meg say as I continued to walk towards the door of my carriage.

"Sure, if you want." I replied without turning, as I climbed into the buggy and it started away, the wheels bumping along the cobbled stoned street.

I sat back and thought of the night before. I remembered very little, but what I did remember, I didn't like. My cousin, Elliot had been there, he had been with some woman, then asking me a question…. What question? I shook my head, but couldn't remember. I supposed it didn't matter though; I had been drunk, and didn't care about anything but losing the pain that had developed when Christine, my Christine, chose to stay with that monster. That demon spawn over me. How could she have done that to me? We were best friends, together forever is what we had said long ago, oh so long ago, as we played in the attic, eating chocolate and listening to her father play his violin. What I wouldn't give for those days to return, to forget all of this had ever happened, to be friends with her again, to have her tell me she loved me as she had only two days ago. Once more I shook my head, trying to shake the memories, but they held on with a tight grip; a grip that would cause me to lose my mind eventually, I was sure of it. I sighed and leaned my head back onto the plush cushions of the carriage seat and looked around at the inside of my usual buggy. How could she give up all of this, for him? To live in darkness under the opera house, or wherever they were now. It was ludicrous.

**Few weeks later**

I sat watching as the last of the chairs were installed in the opera house. I was surprised at how fast things could be cleaned up and made ready to go. It had only been three weeks since the fire, since I had lost Christine, the woman I had planned to marry. Now I had to sit here and inspect the rebuilding of the opera popular because I, Vis Count Raoul De Chagney, was the patron of the opera. I looked on as a small group of new dancers came on stage. Nothing new there, the opera was always getting new dancer for those who ran off with their lovers. That's when I saw her, a beautiful woman with raven black hair and stunning green eyes. She looked like a Goddess. I quickly jumped up and ran backstage to the stage managers to inquire after her name. They said it was Amaranth Destler. She was the daughter of Lord and Lady Dester.

I ran out of the opera and strait to the florist down the street buying a bouquet of roses and hurried back to the opera. By the time I got back she was already gone. I went in search of her and ran into Meg.

"Hello Meg. I hope you had a nice trip. Have you seen Ms Destler?" I asked her glancing around.

"It was pleasant enough, yes, I'm going back again in a week. As to how long I will be gone this time, I don't know." She looked at me a bit curiously before replying to my question. "I'm sorry, I have not seen Ama. Is there anything I can do to help you?" She replied politely.

"Could you give her these for me when you see her please?" I thrust the flowers into her hands and left.

**A/N:** Ok, so I know this one is a little shorter than most of our chapters, but we are just trying to keep to where we were in our first try at this story. The next ones will hopefully be longer.

~Cat~


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own ideas and characters.

Chapter 5

Ama

As I walked into my dormatory and looked down the line of beds to my own, I saw a bouquet of roses laying neatly on my pillow, a small white card on top. Slowly I walked over to investigate. I had only been here for a few days, so who would send me flowers? Eagerly I picked up the folded card and read it.

_To Miss Amaranth Destler_

_Beauties for a beauty._

_Viscount De Chagny_

Quickly I closed the note as my eyes darted around the room, checking to see if anyone else had possibly seen them. When I was sure I was alone, I opened the card again and reread the name on the bottom. Surely I was reading it wrong. These couldn't be from the patron of the opera house. How did he know I was here, why would he send me such a lovely gift. I closed the card again and pulled out a box from under my bed, laying it on my bed and popping the latches so it would open. Inside were my few personal belonging that I had brought with me, as well as a small amount of money from my father. I was an only child, and as such, spoiled by my parents. Which explained my presans at the opera house as a ballarina instead of a guest as I had been so many times before. My parents thought this some whim that I would grow out of the same as a dislike of a certain food. But that was where they were wrong. I was devoting my life to dance. I loved it. Couldn't live my life without it I thought. And so, it was here in this box that I laid the card; carefully covering it with a scarf so that were someone to open this box, it wouldn't be blaringly obvious sitting on top. After closing the box and pushing it back under my bed I turned to inspect the roses. They were, as I suspected, of the best quality. What as I to do with them though? Surely I couldn't just leave them here, Madame Giry wouldn't aprove I was sure. I would have to trash them. I sighed. They were so lovely though. I wished there were a way to salvage them. Maybe I could get by with just keeping one. I could cut the long stem and hang it under my bed where it couldn't be seen to preserve it's color, then I could store it away with the note in my box. That's what I would do. Quickly, so as not to be seen, I chose the most perfect of the beautiful roses and snipped off half the stem, before hanging it under my bed. Then I gathered the rest of my beautiful gift and took them outside to dump them in the trash. Just as I was about to throw them away, I saw a group of small children playing in a ally. Quickly I rushed over to them smiling as I heard their cheerful laughter. The children were all dressed in rags, most of them barefoot even in the cold. I cleared my throat and they all spun around, stairing at me. They looked as though they would run away from fright.

"I'm sorry to frighten you. But I thought you might like some flowers." I said quietly, holding out the bouquet. "They were a gift to me, but I have to get rid of them; I was going to trash them until I saw you. Would you like one?" Slowly I pulled out one of the roses from the bunch and held it out to a little blonde girl who couldn't have been older than 5 years old. She was small and ragged looking, but her eyes were that of someone who already knew trouble and pain in life. Slowly and tentivly she took the flower from my hand and held it up to her nose before smiling at me. All the other chilren then came to collect their flower as well, all of them smiling sweetly as they thanked me and walked away. As one boy walked off, I heard him mention to his redheaded comrad that his mother would love the flower and that he would give it to her. I smiled myself and walked back into my dormetory.

Three months later

"Ama, my petal, I have something I need to talk to you about." I said quietly to Ama one night as we lay under the huge branches of the weaping willow where we spent most of our time.

Since that first bouquet of flowers, Ama and I had spent many eavenings and Sunday afternoons here under this tree. This was where we shared our first of many passionate kisses, where we talked of our days, and the plans for tomorrow.

"Yes Raoul?" She said sitting up some and looking at me.

"Well," I said, "I love you. I love you very much Ama. In fact, I want to marry you. So, would you do be the great honor of becoming my wife, and the Vicountess De Chagny?" I asked, holding out towards her a small black box in which a large diamond ring was nestled.

"I… I don't know what to say Raoul…" She replied quietly.

"Say yes." I whispered quietly into her ear, my warm breath wafing over her cheek and neck. She smelled wonderful, always of roses.

"Yes." she replied quickly, turing to face me.

Quickly I slipped the ring on her finger, before raising her hand to my lips and kissing it, then leaning in and kissing her fully on the lips, pressing her onto her back.

This wasn't the first time I had kissed her as such, but it was the first time she had responded so welcomingly, as if she would give me anything I asked. But I would ask no more today, her promise to marry me, and this kiss were enough.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own plot. In fact, I don't own any of this chapter. =P

Chapter 5

After what happened with Christine, I made myself ill with regret, guilt and worry for her health and state of mind. I locked myself in my room back at my family home and punished myself by refusing to eat any meals even when the servants, at the demand of my parents, forced their way in with trays. My internal fears became so bad that I developed a fever. It was the worst at night when I would jolt awake in a mound of sweaty sheets after having a dream about Christine screaming and bleeding alone in the hallways of the opera. The night that I selfishly violated her, I ran away from the scene a few moments after I realized what I had done. She was unconscious the whole time. If I had gone to anyone for help, they would have taken one look at her and then at my disheveled state and would have blamed me for the way she was. At the time, I had it in my mind that I wanted Erik to find her laying there. I wanted him to feel the pain of knowing that I had taken Christine's innocence away, something he would never have. I wanted him to know that his plan for a perfect life with Christine was over. Of course I would take that all back if I could. I do not know what even became of her that night. Someone was bound to find her and even if they did not, she would have woken up not too long after. She would have cried out for help or stumbled back to HIM. I cannot think about it anymore. My heart was shattered into a million pieces. I developed depression and contemplated suicide as if it would somehow make up for what I had done. There was no way I could have tried it for I was to have a servant stay in my room watching over me at all times, another order by my parents.  
A couple of weeks passed, when one day a servant came in holding a handful of letters. He explained that they were all from a mademoiselle Meg Giry and that my parents had been keeping them until they became fed up with how many kept coming to the house. They realized I wasn't getting any better so there was no use holding them back from me while I had nothing to do but lay in bed. I was shocked she would write me at all let alone the amount she had. I hid the feeling of my throbbing heart to the servant upon thinking that Meg was best friends, practically a sister, to Christine… My Christine. I took a breath, sat up in bed and took the letters. As I held them in my hands I starred at the dressing mirror in my room for the first time in weeks. I was a different person inside and out. My hair was matted and filthy, I looked sickly all around. I looked down at the letter slowly and as I opened it, the scent of fresh country air wafted up into my nose. As I read, I felt a new pain in my heart. Meg was writing from this quaint cottage in the country. She said I was the first person she had written to after she arrived even before her dearest mother. She was being treated like a queen there not having to lift a finger with her own personal maid, Vicki, around. She sounded so astonished at it all I actually let out a weak chuckle. Finally, she ended the note with how much she could not stress enough her concern for my well being. If she only knew what had occurred over the last month. As I read the others, they expressed the same concern for me and after I finished, I felt a tear or two in my eye although I made it vanish quickly. It was in that moment that I decided I needed to see her. I wanted to change my life around and be there for others. She needed company, a friend, and that is why she was reaching out to me. So, I wrote to her apologizing for not writing earlier due to my illness. A few days later, I rode out there without anyone knowing but her. As I rode up to her little vacation spot, she was outside waiting for me. At that moment, she looked like a country wife awaiting her husband's return home for the night. Somehow, my mood felt uplifted. The sky seemed golden and lit everything up, as soon as I got off my horse, she practically bolted towards me wrapping her arms around my waist. I couldn't have been more surprised to receive such a warm welcome but I hugged her back sincerely in return. That night we sat outside on the porch for hours talking about the wonders of life and future plans. No word of Christine passed between us for I knew we were too afraid, sensitive to the fact that it might hurt us both. I was allowed to stay in another bedroom and that is what I did. Meg and I spent every day together for a few weeks and that is when I realized I loved her and she felt the same way for me.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own plot.

Chapter 6

"Meg," I said quietly as I walked slowly into the front parlor where she sat, penning a letter to her mother, still in Paris, on her little lap desk.

"Yes Raoul?" She sweetly replied as she looked up from her massive.

I walked over until I was standing directly in front of her, looking down at her beautiful oval face, and blonde hair framing her face with soft curls. Gently, I reached out and stroked her cheek, brushing a curl away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. She leaned her face into my hand, closing her eyes.

"Meg…" I started again but as she opened her beautiful blue eyes, I had to pause, swallowing, and taking a deep breath to calm my nerves. Why had this been so easy the other times? Again, I started my sentence. "Meg, I know that you probably don't want to hear what I have to say, since, with my past, you know it's not the first time I have said it. You may not believe me and I wouldn't blame you one bit. But I love you Meg Giry. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. With Christine… well, it was more of a childhood fantasy fulfilled. It wasn't what was right for either of us. I know that now. As for Ama, I think that was just my heart needing comfort after what happened with Christine. I only wish I had realized then what I know now. That you're all the comfort I could ever need. You have no idea the wonders you have done for me just in the last few weeks. I feel like a new man. So, I would like to ask you; no, beg you, please, do me the greatest honor, and make me the happiest man to ever live, and agree to marry me. I love you Meg and I couldn't live another day without you. I know that now. I just wish I had known it then and not made the mistakes I have made I…" It was then that she cut me off. She stood up, and did what I never would have expected. She kissed me. She wrapped her arms around my neck, stretched up on her toes and kissed me. Then, too soon, she pulled away.

"Hush…" She whispered. "I love you too Raoul. I would love to marry you. I thought you would never ask.

I smiled like a fool as she told me that she would marry me. With that, I bent my head and kissed her again pulling her closer to me.

"Mama!" Meg yelled as she ran into her mother's apartment in Paris.

We had just arrived back into the city, and she was dying to tell her mother of our engagement. We had left that morning, having spent the night by the fire in the parlor making plans. Meg wished to marry as soon as was possible, and wished Christine to be there. To be her maid of honor in fact. I agreed, though this did worry me some. Our wedding would be the first time I would see Christine since that night… that night that I had done what I wished I could take back. I hadn't told Meg of that night. I just wanted it to go away. I wanted to forget all about it, and somehow, I was sure that with Meg, I would. That night would vanish into my memories, and it wouldn't bother me as it had every night since.

I heard Madame Giry's voice in the other room, excited at her daughter's sudden return to Paris.

"Mama, we have wonderful news!" Meg exclaimed as I sauntered into the room smiling at the older woman who probably knew more about life than most women of her age, having worked in the opera a good portion of her life. Meg smiled at me and came to take my hand. She was beaming from ear to ear as she turned back to her mother. "We are engaged Mama! Raoul proposed last night and I said yes!" It looked like all she could do to keep from jumping up and down and spinning around the room. A smile broke out on her mother's face as she took in the sight of us.

I was holding Meg's hand tight in mine, with my other arm draped around her waist keeping her close. She was like a drug to me. I had to have her near me to keep away the bad thoughts of Christine.

"What wonderful news." Madame Giry said looking at us still. "Have you made any wedding plans?" She asked as we all three sat down.

Meg told her mother of the plans we had made the night before. We would marry in a week's time. She didn't want anything big. Just her closest friends and her mother there. She had no other family. I had only my brothers and my parents. My older brother would stand with me, and Christine would stand with her.

Without warning the thoughts of what I had done came back. Did Christine know? Did she remember that night? Did she realize it was I who had raped her? Would she hate me now? Would she deny my Meg of her one wish that Christine be her maid of honor?

I tried to push the thoughts back, block them from coming and hold them at bay behind the wall I had put up but they wouldn't be suppressed this time. The plagued me as if to kill me. I was sure that if I didn't rid myself of them soon enough they would do just that. Maybe if I moved far enough away, if I got away from Christine, they would leave me too. I hadn't had as many of these thoughts when I was with Meg in the country. That had to be the answer. We would leave. Move to the country house hours away from Paris. It would mean that Meg had to quit dancing, but she would do that for me if I asked her. Wouldn't she. She had to. I didn't know if I could live if she didn't.

I stayed until long after dark before I excused myself, saying that I should be getting home and getting some rest. I kissed Meg lightly on the lips and walked out the door, putting my hat on as I crossed the threshold and climbed into the carriage.

**A/N: **Well, what did you think? I wrote this chapter. Review please!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The wedding came fast. There were flowers and lots of bee's. Buzzing in my face. And it didn't help that I had a hangover. I was so nervous the night before that I drank.. Christine was Meg's Maid of Honor and she had no idea I had been the one that took her innocence. Erik suspected me, I knew he did. He was giving Meg away and I knew he didn't want to be there. I saw him trying to talk Meg out of marrying me and trying to tell her about what I had done. I couldn't let that happen so I interrupted the conversion. "Meg, darling.." I started before she cut me off running behind Erik. "Oh! Raoul! You can't see me! Don't you know it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?" She squealed in a high pitched voice which split my head in two. "Darling..it's almost time for our wedding, I was making sure you were ready." I said calmly. "Why don't you wait on the end of the isle, Viscount?" Erik said in a harsh tone. I looked at him and narrowed my eyes some. "Meg, darling, I love you." I looked at Erik again and left to wait for my wedding to start.

I heard the wedding bells ring on as we said our "I do's" and kissed. Her sweet face smiled up at me and I smiled back and told her I loved her. We kissed again and went off to our honeymoon.

**A/N**: Sorry it has taken so long, my friend CaptainIchaodRainey has had this done for over 2 weeks not but my MW was messed up so I couldn't post it. Hope you enjoyed! =D


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Just as soon as Meg and I returned from our honeymoon, she wanted to go visit Christine. She pestered me to go and see her. Who could blame her? She made it clear that she was not trying to hurt me by mentioning her but she could not disconnect from her for the rest of their lives and I understood that. She would never quite forgive Christine for how she had smashed me to pieces and then left me to find my way out of the underground caverns alone but at the same time, she also understood that Christine had felt trapped at having to make a choice between Erik and I so suddenly. I felt bad for my Meg during that time. Do not get me wrong, she told me our honeymoon had been the best time of her life up until that point and I saw that to be the truth in her eyes. At the same time, I saw the guilt that plagued her throughout the days. She could not help it and it crushed me further inside to realize that unintentionally I was the cause of her pain. She should not have had to feel any guilt at all but she did when she thought that Christine had never been the same since about two months ago when "the accident" happened with her. Meg would have been at Christine's side the next day she heard what had happened to her but for days after Christine's unfortunate incident, she spent her time going in and out of consciousness in bed and could barely talk when she was awake. Meg was not notified of Christine's state until a couple of weeks after. She was fuming that she was not one of the first to know but Erik and I made her understand that we didn't want to cause her more stress and worry since that is why she had left for her cottage retreat in the first place. After she found out everything, (well only that Christine has been raped by an unknown man), she immediately pushed past us and went straight to her. This was right when she and I had returned to the opera from the cottage, only a couple weeks before our wedding. At first, Meg had wanted to cancel the wedding until a later time and help nurse Christine back to health herself. That was until she found out there was nothing she could do, for Christine was not going to get better for some time, she had found out that she was with child from the man that had raped her, me. Everyone of course felt many emotions about that, devastation, anger, pain, etc. Even though it was a baby made in the most horrible of ways, Christine was such a saint that she would never get rid of the baby after it was born. That was her child and she would raise it to have only good morals like she. Even though she would love the baby for it was hers and hers alone, she in a way suffered from depression. I cannot imagine what she went through when she had to tell Erik the news. She would be in such a mess that Erik would have no choice but to only feel such sympathy for her. I am sure he felt just as much pain as she to know that his wife's first child was not his but I am not sure he ever expressed any of those emotions to her. His love for her overcame anything even the want to curse the whole world around him for never letting him have a moment of happiness for very long. In the end, he would help raise Christine's child as his own and together, they would forget how it all came about. When I found out that she was with child, with my child, a wave of so many emotions passed through me so much so that when I was alone, I had fainted and was in and out of consciousness for a few days again. Of course, Meg had stayed by my side and she is what kept me from falling into a dark abyss of sleep and slowly slipping away into death. I had to stay alive for her. I constantly needed her by my side for without her, the pain of everything I had caused from just one night of uncontrolled anger, literally began to tear me up from the inside. I suffered so much in my alone time for many months that it was a wonder how I did not end up going mad. Sometimes, like during our wedding, my anxiety would be exposed just slightly and the only one who seemed to notice was Erik. Because he could not prove that I was Christine's rapist, he could not do anything to me. Even if he really knew, I truly believe he would not kill me for how could he kill the true father of the baby he was raising and he knew what that would do to Christine. But it was obvious he had suspicions since he knew how much malice I had felt for him and Christine after that night of rejection. I did not know what to do and there was nothing that I could have done. All I could do was pray and hope that the baby did not look enough like me and that Meg and I could live peacefully together. Nobody would ever force me to speak to Christine or Erik again after what was between us, that would just be cruelty. That is something that kept me sane, that I would not have to lay eyes on the baby, I would not have to be father to a child who was a product of rape for I would not be able to face the situation. All I would know deep inside my heart is I had a baby with Christine and that is all. I owed so much to Erik for accepting what happened to Christine and accepting the baby into his life, I had a whole new outlook on him.

About two months after I learned of Christine's child, I felt bittersweet happiness to learn that Meg was with child as well. We were a little over a month into our marriage. She couldn't have been more excited, the life she had with me had become a fairy tale ending for her. She would never have suspected her life to turn out this way, to have so much fortune, even much more than Christine. The night that she told me, she wept into my arms with pure absolute delight. At that moment, my troubles that constantly were on my mind melted. The baby was a blessing. However, at the same time, I thought about how in some way I was also betraying Christine's unborn child. I was so set on being a great father to my baby with Meg, it was a chance to start my life over just like our marriage had been. Even given the circumstances, I felt as if I was letting my other child down even though he or she would not know it. As the months past, Meg went to visit Christine and they would share their pregnancy experiences with each other. Unfortunately, the night Christine went into labor was the same night we found out that Meg's mother, Madame Giry, had fallen suddenly on the ground and was not found until hours later. She was brought to her bed and in a matter of hours, became unrecognizable. She seemed years older when she had always managed to look youthful. Her skin looked like the skin of a dead person, grey and cold to the touch. She could barely open her eyes or speak. I was right next to Meg when a boy came to our door sent by the doctor to tell us the news that Madame Giry was in great danger and her health was fading fast. It was one of those great mysteries of life for Meg had only seen her days before and she had seemed normal. Just when it seemed like life was at its blackest moment, like a cruel twist of fate, we were notified that Christine's time to deliver the baby was occurring. I was so paranoid that the distress of the whole situation would hurt our baby but of course I would not hold Meg back from going to her mother's side. That is what she had chosen and of course Christine would understand when she found out Madame Giry's state. I went with Meg to Madame Giry's apartment right away. As soon as we got there, she ran straight into her mother's bedroom with the doctor. I did not want to crowd the room and I wanted Meg to have her time alone with her mother so I sat anxiously on a chair in the living room. I put my head in my hands feeling the routine pain flood into me when my nerves were flared. Moments later, I heard a small shriek as something dashed out from underneath the chair I was sitting in. Before I could realize what was happening, a small form leapt into my lap, wrapping their arms around my neck and squeezing the life out of me. As soon as I got past that instant shock of panic, I realized immediately that it was Meg's baby sister, Joy. She was just about four years old and I could not imagine what she must have been feeling at that moment. I doubt she understood what was happening to her mother exactly but she knew enough to realize how frightening the situation was. She was shaking uncontrollably in my lap while sobbing into my neck. I wrapped my arms around her at once and rocked her steadily telling her that I was there for her and that she would not be alone. It had been a mystery as to how Madame Giry had been able to have Joy. She was not an old woman given that she had only a 17 year old daughter but her husband had supposedly been gone since Meg was just a little girl. Nobody knew who exactly Joy's father was since she never spoke a word of it.

As soon as Joy had cried herself into a sleep in my arms, I heard an ear piercing scream come from the bedroom. I knew right away that Madame Giry had died. We stayed there until the middle of the night. I thanked God that Joy slept through the night and that she would not know the fate of her mother until later. I took all the strength in me to pry Meg off of her dead mother. I could see in her eyes that at that moment she became lost without her mother. Her eyes did not leave her mother's form until finally she was carted off by the morticians to await the funeral arrangements. I do not know how Meg did not lose the baby that night or how I was able to get her and Joy both back to our home. For days, Meg laid face down in bed literally not doing anything but mourning for her lost mother. The morning after Madame Giry's death, I had told Joy of the news. At the look in the small girl's eyes, I felt my heart yet again break into thousands of pieces more than I had ever thought possible. She then joined her sister on the bed, both of them looking like joined lump sobbing together. All the house could hear was the pain staking sounds of tears and I knew something had to be done. Even though I had no idea how exactly to console them, I couldn't let their health be affected. On the day of the funeral those four days later, I forced them to get out of bed and get dressed. I told them how much this would help and that their mother's death was not goodbye. It was not until the day of the funeral that I heard the news of Christine's delivery of my son. Was I even allowed to call him that? What would Christine say if she knew? I could not think of it, I already told myself that I would not. All I knew is he was healthy with tuffs of blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. Erik and Christine named him Jon. Meg was not in a state to go visit them but she sent her love to them. After the funeral, Meg did not get up from bed again. She was on bed rest until the baby was born. I did everything I could to bring her comfort and at the same time run the household and look after Joy like I was her own father. As all of this was going on, I wanted desperately to see my son. It was a constant nag that I could not drive away. I never had time to go see him and before it seems I could ever blink with all my new duties I was taking on, Meg went into labor almost two months later. She gave birth to our girl, Marguerite, my Maggie, my pearl.

Even with everything that occurred over the course of about a year, at that moment, watching Meg holding her in her arms trying to tell Joy not to poke the baby in the eye, I felt completely calm for once, finally able to enjoy my family.

**A/N**: Thanks to Lady Mary for this wonderful chapter!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The years went by, and Christine and Meg stayed close, and thus, our children became close friends, never knowing that they were half siblings. Because Meg was Jon's God mother, and possibly because Christine knew who Jon's real father was and wanted me to see him whenever I could, Jon was allowed to come and spend the day at my house and did so regularly once he was old enough to stay somewhere without his mother around. Erik wasn't comfortable with Christine being around me. I couldn't blame him after what I had done.

Just a few weeks after my Maggie was born, Christine paid Meg and I a visit. It was on this visit that Christine realized who Jon's father truly was. Up until that time she had been clueless as to his paternal parent; and the only reason she found out when she did, as I had intended to keep this information to myself, was because she stumbled upon a painting of me as a baby with my parents. Jon's resemblance to me was too striking for her to ignore. Leaving Jon with Meg she confronted me in the study of my home.

"Raoul," She said as she entered my domain and closed the door behind her with a click. "We need to discuss something."

By the tone of her voice, I knew she must have discovered my secret. Now, I could only hope that she wouldn't tell her monster of a husband.

"Yes?" I replied calmly, hoping beyond hope that I was wrong, that she just wanted to talk about Meg or the past or anything but Jon.

"It's you; isn't it?" She said quietly. I had been expecting anger, hurt, rage even. But not quiet meekness.

"Yes." I didn't even need an explanation of what she was referring to. I knew. She knew I would know.

"I…I don't understand. How…. When… why?" There was the hurt I had been expecting. I hated to see it in her eyes. The accusation.

What other choice did I have? I told her the whole story. How I had been drunk, how I had ran into Elliot at the bar. Everything he had said to me. All the pain I had been feeling that night. And finally, I came to the point where I did what I wished more than anything else that I could take back. The point where I raped her. My best friend. The woman that I had said I loved. I was nearly in tears by the end, practically begging for her forgiveness. She said nothing. All I got in return was complete silence. Yelling, tears, anything I could have stood but the silence. It seemed so cold. So unlike the Christine I had known all those years. She just stared at me blankly. What ran through her head in those moments I will never know, and honestly, I doubt I want to.

Then she sighed. A sigh that sounded like it carried the world. With that sigh, she turned, put her back to me, and walked out of the room. She went upstairs, made some excuse to Meg, took Jon, and left. Two days later her husband came and I knew in an instant that she had told him. His eyes held the hate of a man in great pain. A man who just learned who the rapist who took his wife's virginity was. A man intent on killing that very rapist. I felt fear like I had never known down to my morrow. As he entered my study, I feared for my life. But, I also feared for the life of Meg and Maggie. They needed me. Meg had no one in the world left. She needed me. Surely this man, this "Phantom" wouldn't kill me and leave an innocent woman and child to the world. That was my only hope.

"N..Now Phantom…. E..Erik… Let me explain…." I had hoped to keep my voice calm and steady, but that was not going to be the case. What difference did it make, he knew I was scared.

"No need to explain you disgusting, worthless, worm. I know exactly what happened. I have always known it was you. But I never said anything because I knew that Christine was unaware. Now that she knows, I have no reason not to kill you for what you did to her. But if you think you're going to get some kind of quick painless death, you better think again. I'm going to put you through more pain that you could ever imagine possible."

By now I was shaking like a leaf in a hard winter storm. I knew there was no way he would let me live. There was nothing I could do. I just hoped to God that he got rid of my body so Meg wouldn't have to see it.

Quickly, before I knew what had happened, he had pulled out a lasso and wrapped it around my neck, pulling it snug but not tight enough to be fatal.

"Try getting out of that!" He began to pace and my fear just rose higher. "What I don't understand is why, WHY you would do this to Christine? If you loved her so much you wouldn't have done this! And what? She didn't want you so you went after my SISTER! And when she didn't want you, you went to Meg!" He spit on my shoe. " You make me sick! I'm glad my sister got away from you! Or else she'd be having your spawn! And the maid? I wouldn't be too shocked if you have your way with her as well! Meg was right to take her when she left!"

"I have never done anything to Vicki!" I yelled. "As for Christine, I didn't want you to have her, and I was drunk. Very drunk. I love Meg, with all my heart. As to your sister, I don't know what I was thinking there." Right as I said that last statement, I knew I had gone too far. If there was any hope of my surviving this, it was torn to shreds now.

"Drunk or not, It doesn't matter! And that only goes to show what kind of man you are!" Why couldn't he just kill me and get it over with, did he have to make a food of me as well? "And what does that mean? My sister s one of the best people I know! If you could have only been so lucky!"

I was mad now. The fear that had been holding onto me was slowly being overtaken by anger. If I was going to die, I might as well tell this bastard what I thought of him before I wasn't able to anymore. "You're glad she didn't accept me!" I was yelling louder than I realized by this point, but I really didn't care. "How could she knowing her oh so perfect saint of a brother didn't like me?"

"You have no idea how much pain I can cause you" He growled through his teeth as he pulled the rope tighter.

"You know it's the truth! If not for your disapproval Ama would be married to ME!" He kicked me right in the crotch and I cried out in pain. It's a good thing I was going to die because I would hate to explain to my Meg why we could have no more children. "Why the hell did you do that you bastard?" I ground out through my clenched teeth as best I could.

"One, you raped my wife; two, you got her pregnant; three, I hate you." He cut my cheek on both sides leaving a slit right on each cheekbone, then pulled the lasso again, and I felt sure that it would only take one more yank for me to be gone from this world forever.

To my complete surprise, he dropped the rope and stepped back. "You thought I would kill you didn't you? Oh no, I plan to let you live in misery the rest of your life. Don't you think I would rather see your wife leave you because she found out what you had done to her best friend and sister? To see you live the rest of your sorry life all alone in this huge house with no one to comfort you?" He laughed. It was the laugh of a mad man. "Oh no, you're not going to get the pleasure of death." With that he walked away, leaving me hanging there on the brink of death, yet somehow I knew, I wouldn't die. I wiggled and squirmed, trying to free myself but only causing the pain to increase. At some point I passed out and the world and pain faded away into darkness.

**A/N:** Well? What do you think? I actually wrote this one. Sorry it took so long, I have had no inspiration what so ever until today. =D Review please!

~Cat~


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